Surfeit of Confusion

I am not exactly sure how to characterize the beginning of my winter break, except that it does not feel as smooth or uninterrupted by emotions. In retrospect, I did not give much thought to winter break because my workload was incredibly heavy. This was exacerbated by the internship stress I faced every two days a week. Internship was a whole another experience of awkwardness, shyness, and voluntary apathy. But it was an interesting experience confectioned by my homegirl's hangouts after class and our occasional (four times) rubbing arms with our acquaintance Carol who I had a huge crush on during those weeks. Fast forward a month and a half later. Feelings have expired for two reasons: her lack of communication and the accumulation of new females mostly from Hunter. It is not surprising that my body of friends have switched from male to females; I attend Hunter which has an exorbitant amount of females.

How can I say that my winter is starting off well? After all, I'm still trying to persuade myself of relief from looking at my grades. I've been stalking eSims and longing for my grades for the semester. I check my Hunter Webmail every so often to see if there are updates. But nothing. Only one grade so far. I wonder what exactly does this 3.9 GPA commit me to. Afterall, I have not applied to Grad School yet. I've been putting it off and I'm still putting it off. I honestly think that I should take one year off to explore and to work. Then I shall make a comeback and attend graduate school. I've been burdened with school for a majority of my living life. But I'm sure every other student has the same complaint but they value their education somewhat (haha! yeah right).

For starters, I have been incredibly melancholic. I've been perusing my old music file folder and listening to old songs that I used to sing to in high school. What a different set of songs and a different palette of emotions fit for forgetting. I could not recognize some of the emotions that accompanied some songs. But for some bands I recognized the array of emotions such as solitude and heartbreak. Immediately when I listened to the songs, my thirst was quenched with a rush of emotions that invoked a quaint taste of high school. A taste of that small stretch of pavement that led to the school gates and onto the sprawling school campus. But in actuality the campus was not that big. It was rather unused that makes it huge and sightly.