I wasted the entire Saturday heading out twice and sneaking around the interweb when I said to my parents that I would study the night before in addition to staying home. Not only did I violate this and go out twice in one day I also snuck every opportunity to go out including going to Woorijip when my Dad allowed me the opportunity this morning to go grab brunch. I wanted to go and grab sunlight because it was a sweltering 75 degrees and not a cloud in the sky. All my friends' Facebook statuses exclaimed what a sunny day it was and I felt at a loss if I didn't claim some of these sunny skies so I absconded four blocks to Woorijip which seemed strangely empty especially before noon. I realized that their workers are all Korean, I suppose to keep their authentic Korean facade. I can't believe I didn't go through the buffet section that Samantha chose last time; they have so many good choices and it's more authentic than the refrigerated/pre-made dishes which have MSG. Too bad I was impatient and I didn't bother getting a buffet because I feared that I would surpass two pounds of food , for each pound was three dollars or something. I always manufacture some kind of excuse to not do something because I can take the easy way out. Besides it's normality and habituated that I would get premade dishes in the plastic boxes. It was just so much easier to get the boxes and go home instead of going through the buffet line. But as many excuses I could venture it was certain that I didn't do it because I was lazy and because I really intended on coming back and patronizing my Woorijip. I always fidget when I want to do something else; I believe I have ADD. Just this blog entry should demonstrate that I have a bit of ADD because I stray from my topic sentences and write about other things that are seemingly relevant but are actually tangents of previous subjects. I feel that it has only gotten more severe the more I stay attached to the computer screen. When my parents call me to go eat dinner I usually ignore them and I would only hear them from my left ear but it is noise to me. I would end up ignoring them and their words would only go in one ear and run out the other.
I wasted the entire Saturday. But I suppose that heading out to Starbucks at 9:30PM was worth it because I met Shonell who was getting off work, well actually, he was on his half hour break. He told me that he wants to make movies, one film a week this summer, since every co-worker is an actor. He has a Canon HV30, the father to my HV20 so I'm pretty excited that maybe we can collaborate this summer. I cannot wait to see his film side come out. He tells me that he is lazy and uncreative. I told him that his swirls in barista craft is creative and he tells me that his motivation wanes therefore he's not creative. Shonell needs to swell out of complacency that's all. He told me that he could easily get into Apple because Starbucks and Apple are both linked and share the same philosophy of giving clients and customers the experience. But he chose to stay in Starbucks because he cannot part with his coworkers who he has become family to. I can't empathize with him because all these horror stories from my friends crowd my mind. All I can think of was the horror stories of retail that keep coworkers from being chill with each other--I could only think of competition between coworkers who would be neck to neck during shift hours and clock out with hostility. But I can imagine a situation where coworkers are like family and they are placid most of the day when the business doesn't become a running river of customers. I actually don't want to have relationships with my coworkers because I want to move from job to job. If I bond with them then it will only turn out to mirror Shonell's situation where his interest in his friends and their bond keeps him leashed to his job, not that he's unhappy with it. But I may grow unhappy and it may stunt me but I end up making the ultimate decision to either elevate my own socioeconomic status (if the other job is higher-paying of course) or to stick with my newfound coworkers who are my potential life-long friends that I have gotten to know for so many days and shifts and customer-heckles with. I can imagine agreeing to Linda's offer and we would work at Forever 21 together during the same shift if we get lucky and the shift manager schedules us for the same shift. We could chat it up and bond and back each other up when there's a bitchy customer. I could only imagine and expect. But these expectations are simply not the way they really turn out to be. Things turn up only 4% close to my expectations. That is reality. Expectations remain expectations because they are idealistic and they are never clearly down to earth because they don't mirror the actual happenings when they do happen.
The strangest thing about today is that I feel incredibly complacent after getting the coffee and even up to now I chat with my friends on AIM and I am doing absolutely everything to procrastinate my studying I feel relatively calm and at ease, not about to feel guilty about anything. My Dad keeps telling me that this is my last mile to run. He said that my seventeen years of education and schooling and hard work has come to this last mile and that I shouldn't fuck it up because I only have two more days to go. I wanted to tell him that because it is the last two days why should I bother when I know that I will graduate regardless? The only thing that impels me to study is probably that I know I'm a perfectionist so it is ingrained in me to study even if this means cramming at last minute tomorrow night. I might even do an all-nighter if I don't begin studying by tomorrow afternoon. It will be hopeless soon. Another thing that keeps me on the edge is the fact that I want to attain magna cum laude and not just summa since my GPA could possibly jump to 3.94 if I get all A's this semester. But I am doubtful that my philosophy of aesthetics class will be an A or even A- if lucky. I feel like my paper will be awful and my professor will give me a B+ which will lower my final grade to a A- if I'm lucky it's not a B+. If it's a B+ my GPA will only lower to a 3.89 and that will lower me to summa, not magna. I don't understand why I should care so much.
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