Predictableness

So yeah the day definitely did not start too well especially when the arms and legs of rain reach out for my window. The hiss of rain becomes pronounced every time a heavy truck runs over the streets. On rainy days I end up getting sleepy. I got up just to realize that my computer was not ready for pickup just yet. I had contracted a fake USPS email trojan that infected my computer. I ended up going to Staples and purchasing an additional year Norton 360 plan, another 130 bucks gone in a matter of four months. Robert fixed my PC again and so did Reuben. Robert reminds me of William five years ago from the library that I would go to after my senior year classes had drifted off. I would visit the library and see the librarians Jeremy, Joanne, and Sarah who were amazingly kind and sweet. Jeremy was the budding hipster at that time who kept me company during the Anti-Prom in early June for LGTQ(IA). It's interesting how Robert jogged my entire memory bank of William who didn't have a cell phone and lately got one but ended up never using it. I was grateful to meet his mother at the block party and also performed for the block party residents as well. I remember playing Colbie Caillat's Magic for the neighbors. That was the second time I got paid for my music on the streets; the first time it happened ws back on Bay 35th Street another two years back. Robert was great help to me because he was not only soft spoken but he was chill, the chill dude who was both an inner nerd but also a polished gangster who had longer hair like a horse's mane and a slender body that could woo any girl on a separate occasion from work. After I picked up my computer I had to lug it home with both hands. So I walked four nice blocks with a huge fifteen pound brick acting against my chest and slowing down my gait. In addition to this burden I had to wear my satchel which contained an umbrella and my headphones which dramatically increased the weight of the bag from two pounds to four which is actually a huge difference because it's bandoleered across my back.

The moment Xia told me that she had errands to run, I knew that she would not get back to me. I knew this mostly because her priorities were work, work, work no matter what. This wasn't the first time she ditched out on me. Clearly she ditched out on me twice the last time we supposed to meet each other. I even brought the book Girl in Translation for her because I thought we would trade titles and live vicariously once again like how we both read Sunday Morning's at Tiffany's three years ago. But now one year has passed and I was ready to see her, but she did not show up. She did not text me back. It became clear that for whatever reason she knew she could bypass me like that. But then again who can't bypass me? Who expects me to hold a grudge? The moment that people fear me is the moment when I will regain my confidence. I'm starting to think that my friends do not consider me a person who can get angry or hurt or violated or used; my friends may think of me as someone who they can rob whenever they want and know that I will be okay with it. Isn't this the same as taking someone for granted, kinda like how I take Joe for granted. I clearly ask him to hang out with me every day for the past seven years we've been together like brothers and we are still inseparable. But it's mostly when I ask him to go hang out with he that he complies. For the times he asks me I am extremely reluctant to hang out with him or even see him. I rarely even make this effort until he tells me we can stop by JCrew or that we will go get something to eat. Only if he crosses places of convenience for me then I decide to join him. This is extremely selfish and taking Joe for granted because I keep seeing him as my perpetual homeboy but I forget that he is human too; I forget that one day, any time, any where, he can vanish into thin air and then it will hit me like a huge boulder thrust into my face that I have taken him for granted, for far too long, and it's cruel.

I like to say that in life some things are predictable; some things are simply predictable because they are not worth giving a second-thought and they seem to border alongside common sense even though not every one shares the same concepts in this so-called common sense.