Two mornings ago I received an email that I made it past the first round of Kollaboration NYC which is a talent competition for Asian Americans located in NYC. It's amazing how many Asian Americans are so talented and they are not simply hidden behind the open hood of a piano or the wooden bodies of cello, there are Asians that simply amaze in contemporary music as well, as if Youtube didn't deliver the world that message already! I can think off the top of my head the friends and musicians I have on Facebook: Pam, Waty to the talents that have been plucked from Queens: Ryan Bandong who schooled with Linda. I honestly didn't think twice about being upset when I submitted my Kollaboration application form. I filled it out on the last day which was the deadline, Monday. I held out hope for another day but then I decided I didn't care that much. When I received the email I was overcome with a sense of happiness but not all that of fate. Somehow I thought that maybe one of the administrators knew me and wanted to give me a chance. I thought this because I saw the message on Kollaboration's Facebook page that they had finished watching all the videos, but it wasn't until two days later that I had received a Congratulations from them, so I thought maybe someone had said Hey there's a lack of performers we really like so let's pick some more out of the pool... This thought somehow serves to inspire me but not all that powerful in making me believe in luck or chance. But then at the same time why don't I believe in luck or chance? Maybe this is luck and chance not in the fact that I am getting a chance to audition, but that I may get a chance to win. That may be the luck and fate that convalesces in a week or two after I audition next Saturday in front of a panel of guest judges. There is nothing sweeter than opening up for the September Kollaboration show along with guest performers who I have watched on Youtube. There is nothing sweeter to say that I represent Asian Americans on the east coast when all Youtubers are on the west coast taking up the attention. Jacob told me that there are a lot of Asians in NYC who are talented but "it's a shame they don't get the opportunity to pursue it" and their families don't urge this and that the arts are not a lucrative field (at the moment). I remember that Matthewjames volunteered last year for a talent competition and taped many performers, he told me the line streaked out the door and onto the streets near Times Square when they opened up the audition room. Thomas was also auditioned as a surprise by his songstress-friend Evelyn. Mia not only made it to my subway busking at 86 St but she also encouraged me to perform in jSummit series. Her encouragement is enlightening. These milestones point to the direction that I should be in, which is taking risks, taking the opportunities and not letting life pass me by. If being myself and entering with confidence and fresh drive and determination isn't key then I don't know where I've been polishing my keys because I've been driven this entire time by many friends such as Jamie who keeps busking even though she has work (besides the fact she has rent to keep apace), Thomas (whose piano outings remind me that public performances are not always public but they are meaningful when they are taken in as cathartic), Hien (whose shortage of inspiration only inspires me to inspire her more and take back the stage and spotlights), Pam (frustrated that her dream was slightly pushed off the road), Mr. Tannenbaum (the late Mr T who taught me so much and was my father figure and showed me my first acoustic gig in Dewey and went on to guide me through senior year with countless advice and tough love) and countless other friends who told me not to forgot playing music because its second nature to me. I remember Xia told me that I should pursue music at all costs because clearly that is her most infant memory of me, with a guitar. It's also something that characterized me as different. I remember when she told me that I had lost my uniqueness and that I became like everyone else ("I thought you were different" in Rolof's office five years ago) and that was the moment I realized I had made a mistake. I am really appreciative that she told me to follow my dreams. These were the dreams my friends saw in me and this audition will be dedicated to them. Maybe my email krssguitarist2010 isn't a waste, maybe two laters year I will make it and be a famous singer songwriter guitarist.
Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum, a Chinese song or Hong Kong or Taiwanese song starts with an infused guitar leading the way in a very solemn, but at same time, heavy, sad, and emotional-laden tone. The music video of a Chinese girl (the singer but not composer who my Mom and Dad made out as Lee Jung Sing, male composer and singer) begins with a juxtaposition of two teens driving a foreign jalopy through a grassy marshland. There is parallel action to join the two environments together. There are two emotional shades that match up with this music video: the shade of sadness and longing while the shade of anger and violence. The overall color of this music video is paramount: it is painted in a somber blue that recollects itself in memory through the singer's setting. She is mostly sitting with her legs folded together and her head into her knees forming a closed and weeping position. It shows her vulnerability as well as downtrodden mood. The singer's voice is most buoyant in this video, it drives my emotions with every line she sings even though I don't know what the hey she is singing. My Dad translated to me that in the prechorus she sings something along the lines of Wake me from this dream because the longer I dream the worse it gets. Something to do with pain and yearning. She also asks for her youth back. I suppose that it makes sense because she is an older woman (I can tell from the streaks of longing youth hanging onto her eyes and her cheeks) and the music video is of uncouth teenagers destroying a car. Immediately I think of the Vincent Chin documentary when Chicago car manufacturers took their anger out on Japanese cars and smashed the bodies of assembled cars with sledgehammers, displacing their anger. But I can't assume this music video has the same connotation or even the same political vitriol laden in its belly. I think this music video drives the idea that the singer yearns for her youth but like a smashed car the more she dreams of her youth the farther away from serenity she really is. Throughout the entire music video she is draped in this coat and sheath of blue blue blue. This blueness is reminiscent of Joan Didion's book Blue Nights which I keep returning to at Strand bookstore. Didion writes that the blue is a comforting but it's also a warning of something ominous. To me, blue is my favorite colour coupled with the murky shade of navy but it also symbolizes the ocean of overbearing sadness that washes into the depths of my mind during bouts of despair. When the tranquil blue sky turns into an overcast blue that hangs on me and droops onto my head with weight, that is when the blue is undesirable.
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