Receipt...Return

Knees weak. Hands trembling. Lips fighting. I returned my JCrew leather bag that I purchased for $287! Upon surrending my government-issued ID, I experienced a surge of embarrasing emotions that subtly oozed out. The female employee/store clerk treated me with neutrality, clearly lacking surface acting which made me feel more human and decent. But I could not control these feelings of guilt, insecurity, and embarrassment. Guilty for returning an item that I used and physically worn out (the edges were frayed a bit but she could not tell); insecure because I was afraid she would view me as a cheapass; embarrassed because I did not have proper state ID, I had my perm res ID instead. The most harrowing pressure I faced was an accumulating track record of store purchases only to become returns made by me. What a loyal customer I am!! These feelings of retail alienation occur to me when I ask employees for help especially in returning items that are of extreme value/high price. But the amazing feeling conquers all these alienating forces when the money emerges from the cash register and becomes handed over into my open palms. Now I can buy something else...and then return that something else. Build my retail store black list (shoppers who abuse the Return Policy).

What does fashion mean to me? What does my favourite clothing label mean to me? Why do I wear their merchandise and why does that even matter to me? My sense of style did not develop in college, neither has it evolved in high SkOoL. It merely changed because I was ultra conscious of my body and ultra conscious of what fictional characters I best resemble/could emulate.

I used to wear Hollister tees and conform to gangster Azn crews who roamed handball courts, those who had their Northface jackets glued to their bodies (I could not afford a Northface jacket and the backpack was way too big on me!) But the overaching, more individual and personal reason I stuck with Hollister was because of its affordability, durability, and comfort. It also accentuated my petite male body. Hollister became my choice brand for form-fitting clothes that was just perfect for me.

When I entered college I introduced myself to a neutral style. I would not dress up at all. I would wake up some days and skip shower only to read my notes and my books every minute, forsaking and abandoning fashion for intellect. I wanted to resemble my disheveled professors who emphasized their intellect over their bodily appearance. My main point was to focus on my studies and avoid any eye contact.