Translucent or Obfuscated?

What makes two friends friends? Did one ask the other for permission to become a best friend for life? Did they implicitly pinky-swear to be friends and absorb each others' being and existence? How do two friends recognize that they are two different people but are yet so close and reverberant of each other? How do we rank a series of friends because we all notoriously agree that not everyone is equal or shed equal amounts of attention. My definition of friendship is rather fantastic and ideal because it is inundated in reciprocity and deserving love, overflowing both parties and inspiring both persons to move forward to an invigorating way, optimistic and cheery. I define friendship as the ability to share lives and to actively empathize with each other. The immediate ability to empathize, to sympathize, and to live vicariously through the other persons in moments of sorrow and joy, is gold. This ability to feel the same way that friends do is rewarding because it highlights the genuine connection and it beholds the chord of two friends who rely on each other and actively feel and receive each other as they are. No artificiality unless aforementioned.

I've been hiding out at The Strand bookstore, burying my head in pages of best sellers and vacillating between fiction shelves, scanning every book spine and occasionally peeking through the books for sign of artsy women. Lately I've thwarted this mission and gave in to the conception that what I am doing is stalker-like and a major excuse for being ejected from the store. I pine for ideal romance like that of two persons caught in love at first sight over a single novel or series. This fantastical vision of finding a Parsons/SVA chick is founded on stereotypical notions, far too ambiguous and too elusive to hold to light. I long for a girl to trade theories with me all day and to discuss philosophical mantras and aphorisms until our saliva is depleted. I dream of a girl with schizophrenic tendencies, straddling both nerdy universe and appetizingly glamour universe. Nerd by day and party-girl by night. There is something almost sensual that type of woman offers. A ride on the wild side after dark replete with titillating eardrum conversations as well as theory recitation during the daytime. This fantasy is about finding myself in another person, not necessary in need of completing myself or combining myself. I cannot seem to complete myself because I want to dominate by being complete all by myself. I don't want a mate to complete me and complement. I want someone who can mirror me and agree with me so that I can overpower them accordingly and subtly. I wish for a co-dependent relationship reminiscent of symbiotic relationship grounded in habitual behavior and false sense of security.

My ideal friendship is one in which A and B are always close and they are at each other's immediate disposal not because they have no one else but because they value each other far beyond just their reciprocating emotions, a sense of company, and emotional support. But A and B are on the same level and never competing in aggressive manner. They are always playful. A and B will share in intimate moments together whether in their private spaces/house or at a party where they reveal to each other their real selves, shamelessly displayed and in need of comforting when moments of drama strike them. A and B will be able to cry into each others' arms and cry themselves to sleep in a warm, consoling hug which transfers each others' body heat. A and B will be able to call each other up whenever, whereever. When unexpected occurs, A will rush to B's door step and attend to them genuinely with their undivided attention. These ideals I purportedly condone are fantastical unless you are Beavis and Butthead who complement each other and make a tag team duo work nicely. Living in a metropolis fosters anomie and a sense of disconnectedness which affronts the individual and leaves one to his/her own devices most frequently. This forces persons to take sides with a particular person and that person will most likely not be me. They will play favoritism with a certain person. It is rare that they shuttle back and forth between friends. It becomes inconsistent and reciprocal feelings start to burn out and the willingness to even spend time with each other burn out, die out like a flame smoldering.