My screenwriter-free-spirit Liz is still wayfaring in L.A. and her status makes me even more frantic that I cannot reach her by phone. I wish I could fuel her fire and be her inspiration to keep going and find what it is she is looking for, as the goal of embarking on her hitchhiking odyssey. She is extremely brave and defiant. Back at home, my HS friend Tiff juggles volunteering with her extreme piano lessons (She has 20% Tiger mom) and prep classes. I hardly ever see her as much as I do want to be closer with her. Thomas is returning to work and basking in a slight glimmer of hope in a new residence and humble abode which will save him from this misery of shelter lyfe and extreme emotional barricades. My directress Samantha is vacationing. Sadly I think my directress and I have distanced unconsciously because I don't remember muchly anything about anymore. It's weird how I keep addressing her as my directress when she had only directed one film with me (her only film ever) and she's not even aspiring to be a director, and for majority of the film, she did not even direct b/c I took over LMAO! On the heels of Open Mic night at R-Bar, Jamie continues to inspire me because she puts up so many videos on Youtube and I promised I would give her my microphone to buff her songs. Leona is an inspiration but her sincere disappearance and moving-in-and-out attitude pisses me off. She's been wanting to do a film with me for a good three years now but we have yet to hang out even once. Lissette still has my book and Andrea is missing in action because she has not returned my texts or went on Facebook. My ex is still sending me emails and I continue to bypass them arduously. Vicki is still busy and hardly on Facebook which leads to my confession that I don't feel like calling her (I used to call her house every day during junior high SkOoL). I admit my distance with Sophia because of inability to downplay her awkwardness. My neighbor Justine is in Osaka at the moment with family but her internet connection obstructs our communication; I can't wait to chill with her at Borders or around 34 St. I wish that Shane was more involved in my lyfe in terms of social life, less emotional factors. Everytime I think about Shane, emotional shit comes up and terrible stress come in pangs. For some reason Shane bears the fruit of laughter when we hit up laughs. But when we don't, he reels in depression ever so slowly and I wish that I could eradicate this quality of his. Julianna is back from London and I need to hang out with her more as I said I would. Joe, oh my God, my homeboi Joe is still in another world. Sadly I do not want to partake in his business adventure of starting a business. We both had dreamed of this three years ago, but I am backing out slowly and surely. Sigh, I'm sorry Joe. I have left Angie all alone and distanced her slowly. Even since we had class together and our two hangouts, I have completely stalled Angie's friendship and reduced her to a busybody who is all-around nice but too intangible so I took her for granted even as a friend. I feel awful (sorta). Shirley is coming backt o me and I am returning to chatting with her and making sure that we are on common grounds. She is really forcing me to be honest with myself to the max. Feng is a disappearer because of his entire current lyfe situation. I pity him only a bit because he has such a burden that any young parent would not expect on their hands. But "it is a lyfe experience" [for him] and no he can't quit on her daughter because it's not like SkOoL, her daughter is a real live human being who deserves life and deserves the best. Diana is a new addition to my friends. She is the first dedicated writer that embeds my memory. Her works of fiction inspire me to write and to ruminate on ideas like never before. However I do not do justice to her story as it is taking my a helluva while to finish one page. For some reason my fingers don't flip the pages enough compared to the character's "keys ... [that] beat under fingers of conviction." I remember Jessica Deng's vociferous, ominous remarks when we departed: Karma is a bitch. I have not located my package of karma just yet. But I am afraid that I feel something strange and heavy upon me right now, and I am not sure what to expect. I suppose that I am to blame for leaving Lily, Rose, and Laura without keeping communication. All those dreadful news about Rose plunged me into false concern and of course Lily's quiet MIA-ness still did not drive me to call her or even text her. Sometimes friends drift away quietly and surely without consideration.
I still read the Sunday Daily News Horoscope section (Aries) to espy foreshadowing. Usually this self fulfilling hypothesis comes into play. If I remember the Sunday's sentences, I will likely bring up an event that will corroborate its message. If I forget the message then my week is completely unrelated to the horoscope. The broadness of the sentences makes horoscopes simply unreliable and tantalizing upon first read.
What do I even expect to find in the newspaper? Love? yeah, ok. That was funny.
Linda, who I am almost certain is tired of me calling her homegirl is still there for me with her eager, vivacious, partneringly attitude. Her free-spirit, adventurous, ebullient streak of personality never fails to lift me up and inspire me. It is rare to find a girl who puts such pomp and energy into writing songs (and finishing them soon enough) and doing photography (whenever she gets her camera back). Her DJ-ing skills also put me in a state of admiration and dazzle. Of course she thinks it's not that superb because of in/out actor psychology model. It is cool because the person watching it doesn't know how to DJ. But when I offered her the CD and wristband, it became clear that something strangely remarkable was echoed inside of Linda: she questioned her own list of deeds compared to my acts for her. She felt undeserving and a little bespeckled. Friendship is reciprocation, believe it or not. However, selflessness does not come without energy-loss. I suppose the truth is that I want Linda to be more open to me. But maybe that is a brother-sister complex that I should not force upon her, or let alone anyone. No one wants to be a false brother or sister unless it is desirable LMAO
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