Again, At Crossroads

I'm at a crossroads in my life: my college life is ending; this marks the passing of my academic life which means no more Hunter College and no more access to it, though I insist on swiping the card, hoping the alarm won't ring off and I won't get caught. The walls and sky bridges of Hunter will never vanish from my memory: the way the infant sun rises from the horizon underneath the 3rd floor bridge in the morning, and the way the dazzling sunlight plays on a students' hair. College life seems ephemeral especially in a commuter school where meeting people is a difficult and arduous task. My classmate Leah agreed that meeting people is hard. She is such an affable classmate; we found each other on the first day of class when she leaned over to me to exchange numbers. Our professor had asked students to garner at least two phone numbers in case students were absent they could get notes. This turned out to be a good thing for me because I got to acquaint myself with Leah who is extremely studious and on top of her studies. Though I was quick to discover her relationship status nonetheless having class with her and seeing her every two days in the week is thrilling and keen. It is revitalizing. I have always been able to find a particular classmate to share my day with or to share my notes with. I never fail to be entertained in class whether I lean into Leah's space and say something hilarious or weird, I do it and I get a kick out of it. Besides I only have less than three weeks and five classes left. After that my opportunities will be gone, vanished. I suppose this crossroads isn't as bad as going to war or entering adolescence. But nonetheless it can't be avoided. Like my friend/once-brother Lewis said, "you find a whole another world out there once you done with school"; he's alluding to the truth that once I'm out of school and graduated my priorities will shift and I will probably die to return to class, long for education. Perhaps what my Mom said is true: she said if she had an opportunity to return to school she would in a heartbeat. My dad agrees with her, but of course if they had the money, that's the real issue here. My parents would probably not qualify for financial aid.

I have forgotten to message Elisabeth, Pam, Jamie, and Z. For crying out loud Z used to be close to me as she'd tell me so many things about her, but not to the extent that I stayed up many hours on the fone with her past midnights for close to five times. Z and I met at Chinatown Summer Street Festival four or five years ago. She was incognito super awesome at that time when I saw her handing out surveys. I decided to get to know her better and it became clear her mature age and placid character breathed a certain kind of sophistication that did not match teens of her age. Z was unique and spectacularly easy to be around. I have forgotten to talk to Pam. Most of my reasons stem from jealousy. This strange tug at my heart strings that Pam is actually better than me. For that time we jammed and crooned in the subway I knew that her voice excelled and she had amazing vocal pickup and range. But it is actually my tendency to fall for girls who can sing that got me into this bad spot. I used to have a crush on her mostly because of her infallible length of her hair. Her beauty was only accentuated by the female conception, having long hair, and of course slender body. After having found out that she was closed to relationships and taken, I buried my head in anticipation of another girl to distract me. Knowing that we did a film together only heightened my feelings for her. Knowing that she is so open to doing new things and that she is incredibly light hearted and easy to be around gave me an excuse to keep my mind on her and consider her unique because no one else provides me that type of attention or is so light hearted with me. But it turned out that distance played its normal trap once again. Silence between us. And this silence isn't even question. That's either the worst part or it's the most neutral thing that can ever happen. I even forgot that Pam and I were supposed to shoot a two minute film about her trying to pick up her phone with her chopsticks.