Frugality

When I approach the candy bars at a newsstand, I tremble because candy is so appealling and mouthwatering. I also beat back because of a newborne fear of diabetes and weight gain.

Often I feel bad when I spend money on petty, unnecessary purchases such as guilt-packed candy bars, overpriced sandwiches, and dollar pizza. All these small purchases really add up to a hefty monthly waste of money. No wonder I complain when I'm low on cashflow for my necessary expenses such as FOOD! When I eat foods like dollar pizza, chicken with rice, Subway sandwiches, and Chinese food, there is often aftertaste that is accompanied with guilt. I feel guilty that I have wasted money when I could have eaten at home. I burp and taste my disgusting breath that carries reminder of my wasteful treat.

Chinese food takeout style usually leaves me hungry for more rice ($2.50 more) and it reminds me of how lazy I am--I refuse to eat at home and eat for free, and instead I eat Chinese food outside and allow the MSG to attack my immune system.
Chicken and rice is usually the worst because the onions leave my breath stinky and there is a turning in my stomach. But the most guilty part is when I am eating the chicken and rice. I literally shove the rice into my mouth and gulp the chicken down. All the spices numb the taste of the chicken and the rice, but the combination is a new kind of addictive taste just like Coca-Cola. It's so greasy and fattening but I cannot stop eating it because it's so addicting. Shortly after I get the itis and I start sweating because of the hot sauce. The hot sauce allows me to inhale the entire meal.
Dollar pizza is usually disgusting because it's poorly made pizza. It proves that you do get what you pay for.

I have external pressures along with imagined pressures constantly urging me to save money. I want to save money on everything, yet I use the remnants of my finan aid and splurge on JCrew merch and unnecessary trinkets that have no practical use value. Often I adorn my room with small useless objects with no purpose other than that of aesthetics.

So let me get this straight--here I am criticizing persons who dress like sh*t and are dressed sloppily (not wearing brand name clothes or being unkempt), yet I complain that I do not want objects that are solely for aesthetic purposes. To resolve my hypocrisy I should become one of those poorly dressed persons and buy my needs, not my wants. In that case I should not regain fashion because fashion is merely an externality, an artifice that has a malign purpose of cloaking an individual (irrationality here too).