Earnest

Earnest. Sincere. Apologetic. Bare. Vulnerable. Simple. Close listening. These words are second nature to me. They are indelible keywords in my wordbank. Earnest struck me because it is executed in tandem with sincerity. Sincerity assures that actions match with what's said. All speak and no do is feckless. It's almost been two weeks since I pledged to Linda that I would become a changed person and that I would graduate from an immature, judgmental, closeminded, cynical, ignorant half-adult to a full adult who comprehends by close listening and fully grasping situations. I have been doing exceptionally well. They say put your mind to it and you will get things done. Three days ago, Z dared me to deactivate my Facebook account. I ended up doing it but became lazy and gave into the impulse of checking other persons' statuses and news feeds. But nonetheless, I limit my time on Facebook not necessarily because I made a promise to my friend or that I had accepted the dare or that I wanted to prove a point, but mainly because in the long run I will be benefited and I will be nudged back onto the train tracks of happiness.

I don't want to be cynical anymore; cynicism has strangled the cat if curiosity twice killed it and the expired pet food has triple removed it. Cynicism is the root of all mediocrity because it traps me in a mode of non-fate and unfaith towards everyone around me. Cynicism usually begins with "Maybe not" and "Oh well." The incompetence and inability to begin something because I believe that nothing I do is ever different or outstanding is also a result of cynicism and lack of hope. Cynicism attacks especially when I cannot give someone full faith and trust. When I begin to suspect the genuine tone or authenticity of someone's deeds or behaviors I am cynical for not taking their words at face value. This also coincides with the simplicity. Life is how you make it. Thomas said that life can be difficult and that is only so if you make it difficult. I can have faith in persons and take their words at value so that I do not question their negative sides [cynicism]. When someone tells me that they are having an amazing day, I used to be turned off and believe that they are lying or are exaggerating. I don't do this anymore because I fully subscribe to what is being told to me especially in front of my face. I listen carefully and I sense the reality playing out in front of me. I no longer consider the negative aspects of someone. I don't care for the negative aspects especially if they have not been displayed yet.