Wet Wild and Waiting

I receive my paper diploma (which I can purchase on eBay) in less than three months. I will walk down the auditorium aisle in a purple gown (which makes me want to tear it off and go streaking) and float into a sea of look-alikes, still anonymous and invisible. College has passed by and I suspect that my future is grim. Should I pursue the arts and become an actor (just like every other New Yorker who yearns to escape from themselves) or should I satisfy my parents' request by becoming a brain surgeon and a lawyer and an architect all at once? Double consciousness and a choice of ethnic identity is alive when I congregate with people. When I am around white hipsters I am white and I negate my Asian side by sneering at immigrants. When I am around my Asian friends I take Chinatown by storm and imbibe cancerous bubble tea. Who am I? Do I betray the reflection in the mirror or is the mirror imperfect? Why should I have to vacillate between these different identities or roles?

Am I reaching in the dark for an unstable and vacuous job, or should I aim for a career? The dreamer part of me is diametrically opposed to my Asian side. The artist side wants to ignore my parents (and forsake their caretaking and become an ungrateful son) and become rich and famous. The Asian side of me wants to buy a house, a Mercedes, a wife, and a ... hot tub. Currently I want to be an artist--take pictures of women (nude), draw myself, do monologues on the subway, and play guitar for lonely single bachelors and bachelorettes. I want to take on impermanent jobs like busboying, retail, barista-work, or pornography online. Am I desperate for attention or is my nose led by money? The Asian side of me wants to go to work every day from 9 to 5, wear luxuriously monotonous suits, and rotate in an office chair every damn day while imagining titillating sex with the secretary's secretary's assistant in the copy room on the inkjet printer while we are making 5,000 copies of the Rules and Regulations of our financial corporation. Clearly I am at crossroads. I do not have job experience and I plan on taking my sweet time. But the problem is no woman would date a man who claims to be an artist and he cannot produce money to support a heavy thing called a family. This is a huge turnoff to even cougars who I especially go after, besides hipster Asian girls who skim the dictionary, collect vintage shit and frequent beer gardens.

I enjoy breaking the norms on the subway train and at Starbucks. I saw a girl holding a coffee cup with her name on it so I called her name and started a convo. This proceeded to her getting off at the next stop and waiting for the next train. At Starbucks I would tell the barista my name is Jeremy Lin or vahjayjay. Sometimes I do stupid shit on the train like read a poem to L train riders, or preach about the benefits of prostitution and taxing the homeless. Once I entered a train with an erection (stuffed banana) which resulted in a few people moving to different seats.

Honestly, if there's anyone in the audience who reads a lot, studies the dictionary, studies philosophy, and does artsy things like draws themselves nude, message me. I'm wet and wild and waiting.

• This piece will be performed at Sin Rostros this coming Monday at 8PM at Beauty Bar!