I am inspired indirectly by music and art that I find all around me. Sometimes I walk into art and music. For instance, today I heard the bright voice of Lyle Divinsky crooning on the platform of Union Sq. As soon as I set foot onto the platform I heard his guitar and his soulful voice and I paced to greet him with open ears and delightful atmosphere. He brightened up my day and drew a smile on my face. Every other straphanger faded into the architecture and it was just me and him caught in a moment of emotion and effervescence. He was singing and gathering emotions while I soaked up his emotions and his raw talent. His talent is not something I can write or even describe. I can enter into the technical aspect of his voice and his brightness but talent is something to be experienced first-hand and up close and personal. His music inspires me to write music and to return to performing in the subways. He reminds me of why I should pursue music. Often times I push music to the side because I don't think I'm good enough. I watch American Idol auditions to find a sucky singer who passes. But I can't find a single one; every single that "goes to Hollywood" has an incredible singing voice that guides their audition and sets them apart. I don't believe I have "what it takes" to audition or "make it" in music business in New York, alone. There's something about a musician that sets him apart. When I listen to my voice all I hear is average, mediocre, and usual. There's nothing new in my voice or my appearance that sets me apart from any other musician "out there." Yes, everyone is an individual and others will find something unique about them. But I honestly don't radiate sex appeal or an enchanting voice that compares to any mainstream singer out there today.
My bouts of inspiration lasts for about one day at most. Sadly, the air of inspiration fades away into melancholy (that it is over) and of dismay that the day is growing old and that night draws closer to replace day. I believe that inspiration is amazingly important because it provides motivation for the things I do and it starts the fire for my artworks.
I want to create. This is the most important statement I can write. I want to create something that is me, that is mine, that screams my talent. But there is an explosion of talent. Talent seems to be in the eye of the beholder, similar to beauty. My arcane and occult talent may be incredibly mundane to one person in California, but it may be incredibly eye-opening and entertaining to someone in Iowa who has never seen my "talent" or been exposed to my audacious behavior. I think that talent has entered a cynical realm where persons cannot admit that they smell talent in others. This type of cynicism dispels compliments and any chance of mutual support. This is disgusting because it cuts off optimism and encouragement. But perhaps it has roots in jealousy. Clearly, one person can trample on another's talent (if we can say that this talent has talent in the first place and ascertain this on some scale) and ignore it or deny its presence. However, the problem with quantifying or subjectifying talent is obvious. We cannot measure the rate of talent; we can only evaluate the type of talent. Some people are great at magic while others are masterful at cooking or cuisine. These types of talents should not go unnoticed either. Therefore while we are sniffing out one type of talent, it seems unfair to black out all other talents. But if you are American Idol you can focus on the singing talents.
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